My Own Fertility journey

My husband and I started to try for baby number in 2018, I was 32 years old and my husband was 40. I actually wanted to start trying much sooner, given my knowledge of how age can affect for fertility (for both men and women) but between my husbands business and my second masters degree, it didn’t seem like the right time. But your life always gets in the way of your plans.

Darin (my husband) and I lived in NYC at the time and to be quite honest, going to bars and pubs on the weekends to have fun and relieve yourself of the fast-paced competitive NYC environment, was a thing we did rather often. I KNEW I needed to change my lifestyle drastically so I could make a healthy and happy home for baby and more importantly to make healthy eggs.

So it was after our honeymoon in 2017 that I started to change my lifestyle and my diet – and there is no other word to describe the change except HARD! When all of your friends are in one phase of life and you’re used to doing things because you’ve always done them that way, pulling yourself through a portal and into another universe of living takes determination and reason.

But we had one, we were ready for baby. I cut my alcohol intake drastically, found new hobbies like meditation and acupuncture treatments. My time was also monopolized by my research for my second masters program and converting to Judaism. I “cleaned up my diet” (I will explain why that is in quotations later) and politely declined to go out to the pubs when everyone else was. I also start to take the supplements that I THOUGHT were the right ones for prepping for pregnancy.

I was doing MANY of the right things EXCEPT for one BIG THING. I was trusting a random app on my phone to tell me when to ovulate – ya, one that basically thinks every woman has a perfect 28 day cycle and everyone ovulates around day 13-15… ha!!

After 2 months of unsuccessful attempts I was a little bummed. Thank g-d for my acupuncturist. She asked me how I was tracking ovulation, I told he the app. She smirked (one that I totally understand now and at the time did not) and suggested I start using ovulation predictor kits (sticks you pee on at home to tell you when you ovulate) around day 10 of my cycle (10 days after my first full day of bleeding). So I started tracking and it turns out I MISSED THE WINDOW THAT MONTH. I learned sooo much from tracking my cycle and ovulation. Turns out my cycle was on the shorter side. I ovulated around day 9 and had a 23-25 day cycle.

Based on this info my acupuncturist gave me herbs to help with progesterone support. We attempted another couple of cycles all natural with no positive pregnancy tests. Sooo.. based on my age, I went to a fertility clinic. At that time, I was not knowledgeable like I am now. I was pretty nuts about being healthy but I didn’t know everything I do know about functional medicine, functional lab testing and the overall fertility landscape when it comes to diet, lifestyle, nutrition and hormones. So sometimes I still kick myself for not doing more and trying more before seeing the fertility doc.

Anywho.. according to him almost everything checked out normal, for me anyway. But for “safety’s sake” he put me on supplemental progesterone and told us to try again. No positive test.

The following month we went through the whole work up. My husband had his sperm analyzed and we both did genetic screening. Turns out my husband’s sperm count and motility wasn’t exactly the best. So the doctor suggested doing IUI. First one, no success. Bummed. Second one… success!! Elated!

However two weeks after the positive pregnancy test I miscarried. SUPER FREAKING BUMMED. The doctor said wait one full cycle before trying again with one more IUI before we moved to more advanced assisted reproductive technologies.

Turns out I have oppositional defiance disorder (self-diagnosed of course) and we ended up “trying” anyway thinking it wouldn’t matter anyway. Well, it did matter and that all natural conception ended up being our amazing little boy, Daxton who is now almost 4 years old.

Short synopsis of what happened between my two pregnancies – motherhood (super hard and worth every second), did a functional medicine/nutrition training, softly launched a fertility focused nutrition practice and researched hormones, lifestyle medicine and functional medicine lab testing every spare second, I had. It helped that it was the absolute thick of covid so spare time was on our hands.

Time to prep for baby number two! If I had to grade myself on how I did, I would give myself an A++ on making sure I got myself to the healthiest place possible. I started about 8 months prior to attempting conception. I used functional lab testing to test my hormones, vitamin and mineral status, oxidative stress and omega fatty acid levels. I tested food sensitivities, genetic SNPs, saw the dentist and a naturopathic doctor.

What I uncovered in the testing – despite being relatively “healthy” (I mean we certainly weren’t drinking a lot and didn’t go out to restaurants ever – it was the height of covid, we made all our own food and also ate mostly organic) is that I had WORK TO DO.

Testing revealed I was highly sensitive to gluten, dairy, blueberries and some others that were a blow to my favorites list. Confirmed again that I suffered from lower than optimal levels of progesterone. My cortisol levels were slightly elevated. My oral health basically was a D on the typical school grading system. I had moderately high levels of oxidative stress and mitochondrial dysfunction. I also had low levels of magnesium, vitamin B2, vitamin B6, Vitamin C and glutathione (this is the short list, there were others …. But these were biggies).

At that moment I learned that all my traditional schooling – saying that you can get all the nutrients you need from your diet – was a crock-o-shit. These were the results from someone who “ate well,” exercised 4-5 times per week, had a normal BMI, got decent sleep, took the basic supplements (multivitamin, omega 3s, vitamin d3, probiotics) and drank less than 6 glasses of wine per week. WHAT?!

Something that I didn’t pay enough attention to – and still to this day kick myself in the ass for – was my 3x4 genetic test results (more on this in a bit).

SO – I started the clean up. I removed gluten and dairy from my diet and some other high hitters on the food sensitivity list. I got two deep cleanings for my teeth started flossing more and mouth taping at night. I overhauled my supplement regimen and made some other lifestyle changes that helped bring me back to a better state of health. And I did, I actually felt really, really good. It took time and it took effort, but the payoff was feeling pretty great every day.

Some other things subsided at that time that I didn’t even know could be fixed, like tingling arms and ringing in my ears. My ovulation moved to day 11-12 and I was maintaining about a 26 day cycle with better progesterone levels.

I should mention too, that everything from a health clean up stand point – I made my husband do as well. So he was also in a pregnancy prepping phase for about 6 months.

In July of 2021 my husband and I started trying for our second baby. I already knew how to track my cycles so I knew exactly when I ovulated. I took a pregnancy test after that first attempt and we were pregnant!! It felt so amazing to know that all that hard work really paid off.

That pregnancy turned out to be our second baby boy, Huxley. Although I was very healthy throughout my pregnancy with Huxley and was doing all the right things, sleeping well, the right supplements, exercise, eating very very well… I didn’t know I had a blood clotting disorder – because my first boy was full term and a vaginal birth.

Turns out those 3x4 genetic results I should have looked at a little more closely. I have a homozygous genetic SNP in the PLASMINOGEN ACTIVATOR INHIBITOR-1 gene. Which essentially means I am at high risk for blood clotting. It turns out this particular SNP is especially detrimental to pregnancies. Putting the woman at increased risk for premature birth, miscarriage, stillbirth, intrauterine growth retardation (IUGR), eclampsia, and abruptio placentae.

Well turns out you can stack the deck in your favor but you can’t control everything. And pregnancy is the best stress test for your body. Our second son Huxley came out pre-mature at 29 weeks and 2 days. He had a very long stay in the NICU, 5 months, his lungs have suffered and he started life with a feeding tube down his nose and then in his stomach. It’s been a LONG and VERY HARD ROAD. But he’s come a long way, he now eats on his own and is doing very well. He’s still a small fry, but he will catch up. He’s a happy and much healthier kid now.

Motherhood, especially when you get delt a tricky hand like we did, is the single best and sometimes worst thing that ever happened to you. I cannot truly emphasize the joy and happiness that it brings you – at the same time wanting to pull your hair out because you can’t take a private pee like ever ever again.

However, I am so happy we are where we are. I love my family and I thank the big guy above for Huxley’s turn around. I truly believe he wouldn’t be doing as good as his is not if I did not try to make the healthiest possible embryo with all my health improvements prior to pregnancy.

I want to be there for you too … to help you stack the deck in your favor. To help you bring a happy, healthy baby into this world naturally and fulfil your family dreams.

In Fertile Health, Madison Milmeister, M.S., M.Ed, RDN